Dramatic Irony

I was just discussing with my friend a couple of weeks back how DH and I have still not taken permanent steps towards birth control. It was a slightly amusing conversation. Lately I have accepted the fact that we are DONE. We are poor (oh, so poor!). We are old. We are tired. But I was mostly satisfied with our use of natural family planning. We have been so very, very careful, and I've been proud of our success--it's been four years!

I admit, that first couple of years I got off the pill, I wouldn't have minded an "oops." I still was young and felt well up to the task of going through another pregnancy and raising another baby. But then the years went by, and we both got older, and my babies stopped being babies, and I was quite satisfied with being DONE. A little tweak every now and then of sadness over the "could have beens" and the "empty promise" of the fourth child I had always wanted. But then when I had a couple of "scares" of late periods or strange symptoms or whatever, I realized that I maybe did NOT want an "oops," and I certainly did not want to tell DH if I ended up with a + on a stick. So, yes, I was about 95% happy with my lot, with my three gorgeous kids.

But now, maybe two years after the last big scare, my period is late.

I have managed to not panic too much. I have managed to keep my cool. I mean, I am not exactly sure how many days late I am since I forgot to mark my last period down. But remembering it was pretty much when expected (maybe a day early?), I made a guess, marked it down, and I've been counting and re-counting days allllll week.

I am marking June 13 as the LMP. That means that as of today, I'm 6 days late. Because I didn't want to make any test purchases with children present--and very aware, READING chilren at that--I went to the store today (Sunday). And then I came home and drank a ton of coffee (half caf!). And then I took the test. And then I saw a very, very faint positive line come up IMMEDIATELY.

NOW is the time to panic, right?